To be or not to be ........ a carnivore?

OK, so here's my first dilemma.

I joined PETA UK (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and they have some great information, disturbing video footage, celebrity endorsement and I admire most of what they achieve.

However, they seem to really want to promote vegetarianism or even vegan(ism?) and I can't find any information on organic farms in the UK and their animal welfare standards other than this very disturbing link:

http://action.peta.org.uk/ea-campaign/clientcampaign.do?ea.client.id=5&ea.campaign.id=5577&c=pukfpaa

Now I'm reluctant to buy even organic meat.

Some supermarkets, including Sainsburys, Waitrose and Morrisons only stock meat from abattoirs with CCTV installed.  While that's slightly reassuring, it's not constantly monitored.

I've written to Laverstoke Park Farm, Overton, Hampshire (who have their own abattoir on site) to ask if they debeak, dehorn and castrate any of their animals without painkillers and whether or not they have CCTV installed in their abattoir.  I await their reply.

I honestly and absolutely love meat and I may be frantically searching for a way to justify being a carnivore, but it's not looking good.  Other than raising and looking after my own animals during their lives and their deaths, I cannot be 100% guaranteed that the meat I eat is not from an animal who suffered.

All living things die, that is the most factual fact there is!  And who wouldn't choose a quick death?  I feel no guilt in eating an animal that has had a good life and dies instantaneously without any stress, but I'm beginning to think that animal doesn't exist.  And so my subject question "to be or not to be a carnivore" is veering towards the not.

Guess I'll have to go out and buy some vegetarian or even, (heavy sigh) vegan cookbooks.

Oh it was soooo much easier having my head buried in the sand .......